Bram\’s Bloody Booming Blog
A little bit of everything

Moodswings

Everyone has them once in a while I guess… I’ve got them quite frequently, as a matter of fact, I’m in one right now. I’m totally feeling shit.

I wish I could describe what’s going on… Probably a combination of factors. Once again, I’m sitting here, another night behind my computer, all alone. Once again, I’m falling in love with a girl that doesn’t feel the same way and once again I feel so ignored.

My back also fucking hurts, probably because I’ve been sitting in this damn chair for way too long.

Okay, so I like this girl, let’s call her Annabel for anonynimity’s sake. She’s in my MSN list, I got to know her through the internet. We used to chat a lot but lately I feel like she’s ignoring me. Though this probably isn’t fair off me. She’s stuffed with work for her exams, so I shouldn’t be bothering her at all actually. But why is she online at msn then??? Why is she talking on mIRC??? Gah…

Maybe she just doesn’t wanna talk to me tonight? Could perfectly well be… I’m acting pathetically emo tonight. I’m nagging and drawing attention to myself. God, I’m even listening to emo music. Feels good though sometimes. Screaming and shouting.

Yeah, enough emo talk, what I wanted to say was: Just cause you like someone doesn’t give you any rights to their attention. You know what I mean? It’s like “Hey, here I am, look at me, give me attention, I wanna talk to you, ’cause you know, I really do like you.” But then you realise, wait, she doesn’t feel the same. She just wants to be friends… You can’t draw her attention every time.

And it that scares me. I’m afraid I’ll drive her away… I’ve done it before, sadly enough.

On the other hand, the feeling of being alone scares me too… My biggest fear probably still is dying alone… But that topic is too heavy to start thinking about right now.

Maybe I should just go to bed… Sleep it off, I know I’ll feel better in the morning, just not now.

Enough mind dwelling rants for now.

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2 Responses to “Moodswings”

  1. like you say, it’ll all be ok in the morning buddy. you’ll be ok.

  2. “Just cause you like someone doesn’t give you any rights to their attention.”
    ^^Thats the thing which screws me up. I like a girl but she doesn’t feel the same, you think demanding her attention will improve things but it only drives them further away.
    Hope you’re feeling better bram.


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